Sunday Ham..

We were not doing much for Easter, in fact we were not even going to cook.  At the last minute though we decided why not get a ham it would be pretty tasty! Well we hit the store and grabbed a spiral sliced ham, some asparagus and a simple tub of the only potato salad I like.. Stater Bros. Deviled Egg Potato Salad.. if I could figure out how to make it I would! BUT.. this post is not about the pre-made potato salad about about the yummy ham I made! We had some stone ground mustard in the fridge and well let me state that I HATE mustard.. except I guess as a glaze ;).. I took some of the Orange Marmalade that I had made and canned last year and mixed it with the mustard, thinned it out with some OJ and yowser!!! So.. without going on and on.. here is my simple but amazing glaze!

Spiral Sliced Ham with Orange Mustard Glaze:

1 c of your favorite orange marmalade (I chose my own of course!)
1/3 c stone ground mustard
about 1/4-1/3 c OJ
about a 9 lb spiral sliced ham

1. Whisk together the marmalade and mustard until well blended.  Slowly add in OJ to thick pouring consistency, I poured until it looked like what I wanted basically.  I slowly poured 1/2 the glaze over the ham, separating the slices slightly so glaze got all over it. We baked it according to package directions.  At the 45 minute mark I poured on the rest of the glaze and we finished baking for about 30-40 minutes. 

This glaze was so good!!! I Think it will be my new standby, I say standby because well I like to try crazy things and rarely make the same thing often ha-ha! But This was good enough that I am pretty sure it will be made and I may even put it on pork loin and grill it! Also in the above picture would be my most awesome asparagus! Simple and oh so good!!

Grilled/Roasted Asparagus

1 bunch Asparagus, snapped at the natural break
Pam cooking spray (or olive oil)
Kosher salt and spicy pepper

Heat oven to 425 (or heat grill if you choose to grill, both ways are awesome)
Line a small sheet pan with foil and lay the asparagus in a single layer.  Coat with Pam cooking spray or drizzle with olive oil (I recently tested the Pam spray and it came out just as good and saves on the fat though with olive oil you get good fats!). Sprinkle with Kosher salt and Spicy pepper to taste.  We like the heat of the spicy pepper!
Roast for about 15-20 min or until tender to liking.  I like the little snap in mine so I keep it at no more than 20 min! If grilling I still place the veggies on the foil and place on the grill, I then make a few holes in the foil so the flames and heat come through more and grill about the same amount of time.
Remove and enjoy!

A New Ragquilt

My Step-Grandma had been out last November and I was showing her the blankets I had made.  She had commented that she would like one.  We went shopping and she picked out all these pretty browns and pinks.  With school and work and the Holiday's it was hard to get it all done quickly. I was able to slowly work on it. Well she was coming up to visit suddenly Easter Weekend so I spent all day Friday and the morning of Saturday to get it done. Oh it is so pretty and I am so proud! She loves it and seeing the finished product reminds me of it's worth going through the process.
It is not hard to make, her blanket took 5 prints at 2 yards each. I used 8 inch squares and that was it. Just a matter of getting the time in to make sure it was all done.  I am taking on one for my Mom's king sized bed next, I have 7 months to get it finished so here is hoping I succeed!!

Banana Pudding Poke Cake

I have been seeing this Banana Pudding Poke Cake all over Pinterest and Facebook and since my family loves Banana Pudding I knew it was going to have to be made.  I looked at several links and felt there were could of things missing and determined that well a a recipe was definitely not necessary. 
Easter Weekend was coming and my family is quite non traditional, since we were going out for lunch on Saturday I could bring the cake for desert!
We like lots of banana's in our pudding and lots of Nilla Wafers so I added an extra layer of them between the pudding and the Cool Whip but I figure anyone that can make a boxed cake mix and whip up some pudding can easily throw this cake together and I am pretty sure that there are many possible variations to this as well!

Banana Pudding Poke Cake: 
1 box yellow cake mix, plus ingredients for it
2 small boxes instant banana pudding, plus ingredients ( I couldn't find the small boxes so I used 2 5.1oz packages which left me a little bit to make a couple individual banana puddings)(I used Skim milk to make the pudding and it came out great.)
1 tub Cool Whip ( I used Fat Free)
1 box Nilla Wafers
banana's to slice

1. Preheat oven based on the directions on the cake mix, Spray a 9 x 13 glass baking dish.  Prepare cake mix as instructed on box.  Bake as directed.  Let cool completely.
2. Once the cake is cool you will use the end of a wooden spoon and poke holes all over the cake. You need many holes so that the pudding will get all through the cake. 
3. Prepare the pudding as directed per box instructions. Mix until just beginning to thicken. It should not be fully set but not runny thin either!
4. Slowly poor the pudding mix all over the cake. I took a rubber spatula and spread it into every corner and then added more. I wanted a nice coating of pudding to cover the cake. Chill the cake in the refrigerator until fully set and the cake has soaked up pudding.
5. Fill a plastic bag with Nilla Wafers and crush. 
6. Take the chilled cake and top the pudding with a layer of banana's, I do a single layer all over the top of the cake. Sprinkle with a light layer of crushed Nilla Wafers.
7. Carefully take the Cool Whip and top the cake. Carefully covering it (at this point I feel I would definitely have added another half a tub of Cool Whip for a thick layer but I didn't have it!). 
8. At this point you can chill the cake over night, which is what I did, then top it with the rest of the crushed Nilla Wafers just before serving. Or serve right away topped with the wafers.

This simple twist on a great comfort dessert is so good! The family is strongly considering replacing our standby with this version! And my Grandpa, whom never knows what he likes anymore sadly, Loved it so that meant so much to me!!

Seriously Good Burger...

You know I don't need to post about this but I am! I just made and enjoyed the most grub burger.. we all know how to make a hamburger! I took two patties, grilled with sliced cheese, bacon and grilled onions. I made it even better and topped it with an over medium egg!! Holy smokes it was amazing! And just for that reason I felt the need to post pictures of it! I am not sure I would do much more to a burger than what I did tonight, it was beyond tasty!! Everyone should try a nice runny egg on a basic bacon cheese burger! My tummy is very grateful right now ;)

Smokin’ Honey Glazed Pork Chops

Mom pulled a recipe out of a paper insert called American Profile.  I had made this a few weeks ago and for some reason keep forgetting to post about it.  I fully admit that my blog has taken a back seat; I am not always in the mood to cook or bake so I don’t do pictures or try new things.  I am hoping that soon that will change and I can get back to awesome blogging.   We enjoy all kinds of meats in our home and pork is definitely on that list. The recipe is Smokin’ Honey Glazed Pork Chops and they were so good! I have come to love honey and I enjoy anything with a smoky or spicy flavor as well.  I took the chance and made them and damn they are good!! Definitely a recipe I will be making again! Easy and quick and so very tasty!!

Smokin’ Honey Glazed Pork Chops:

1 Tbsp. cayenne pepper

1 Tbsp. smoked paprika

½ tsp. black pepper

1½ Tbsp.  canola oil

4-6 thin pork chops (breakfast chops) (I actually used nice thick boneless chips)

¼ c. honey

1.       Mix spices in medium bowl. Add oil and stir to blend.

2.       Preheat broiler.

3.       Rinse pork chops and pat dry with paper towels.  Place 1 pork chop in bowl and toss until evenly coated with spices.  Set aside.  Repeat with remaining pork chops.

4.       Place pork chops on a broiler pan or wire rack set over a baking sheet, leaving space between.  Broil 2 – 3 minutes.  Turn and cook 2 – 3 minutes.

5.       Brush with honey and cook 1 – 2 minutes or until lightly caramelized.  Flip chops and brush honey on the other side, cook 1 – 2 minutes. 

6.       Remove from oven and let stand 3 – 5 minutes before cutting.

Super tasty!! I served them with homemade mashed potatoes and sautéed Brussels sprouts.  Was definitely a great meal!

Pork Loin and Scalloped Potatoes!

Dinner is served! It has been some time since I was feeling actually ambitious in the kitchen but we had a pork loin out and I have been quite proud of my ability to grill them so I was on a mission! I acquired The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook and figured that is where I will find whatever I wanna make.  Not sure why I wanted Scalloped potatoes but I did, kind of craving them.  I have tried some recipes before but they never quite came out as I wanted, took too long to bake or not creamy; something was always off.  I found an interesting one in the book and decided quite quickly that I was going to make them! I then went to grilling and wanted a dry rub and a glaze and I found both.   I will say dinner that night was awesome! My pork loin was so juicy and flavorful! I will not hesitate to make it like this again and the scalloped potatoes were tasty too.  I will do some tweaks but it is definitely my go to recipe!

This book had a page just of Dry Rubs as well as Wet Rubs; plus the page of Glazes that I was looking for.  I have been keeping Pure Maple syrup on hand and we had some stone ground mustard so I was obviously looking to use them.  I chose to do the Three-pepper dry rub with a Maple-Mustard Glaze.  It was so amazing!

Dry Rub: Three-Pepper Dry Rub:

1 Tbsp. black pepper

1 Tbsp. white pepper

1½ tsp. coriander

1½ tsp. cumin

½ tsp. red pepper flakes

½ tsp. cinnamon

Mix together and set aside.

Maple-Mustard Glaze:

2/3 c. whole-grain mustard (I used stone ground)

½ c. maple syrup

1 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar

Whisk glaze together and set aside.

**My pork loin was just over 3lbs so I made only half of my glaze. 

The Pork Loin:

1.       Preheat grill.  Rinse and dry pork loin.  Take dry rub and rub it into all parts of your pork loin.  You want it covered and well rubbed down!

2.       Place loin on grill.  At this point I turn my loins every 5-10 minutes.  I have learned that doing this keeps them well balanced in their cooking.  After about 20-30 minutes of cooking, depending on the size, you will begin to glaze.  Glaze and rotate your pork loin every couple of minutes for about another 10 minutes. 

3.       Take your loin off the grill and cover it with foil to rest for 10 min.  Slice and enjoy!

Scalloped Potatoes:

2 Tbsp. unsalted butter

1 onion, chopped finely

1 tbsp. minced fresh thyme or 1 tsp. dried

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 ¼  tsp. salt

¼ tsp. pepper

2 ½ lbs. russet potatoes (about 5 medium), peeled and sliced 1/8 inch thick

1 c. low-sodium chicken broth

1 c. heavy cream (I actually used Skim milk because it is all I had)

4 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded (1 c.) (I just used our shredded Mexican Blend)

1.       Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 425.  Melt the butter in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.  Stir in the thyme, garlic, salt and pepper and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.  Add the potatoes, broth and cream.  Bring the mixture to a simmer. Reduce the heat to medium-low, cover, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the potatoes are almost tender, about 10 minutes.

2.       Transfer the mixture to an 8-inch square baking dish.  Gently press the potatoes into an even layer and sprinkle with cheddar over the top.  Bake until the cream is bubbling around the edges and the top is golden brown, 15-20 min.  Let cool for 10 minutes before serving. Enjoy!

I had no problem with the skim milk; I will definitely try it with the cream as I am sure it will be much creamier.  I would next time omit the thyme and use green onions/or chives.  The thyme was a bit strong for us but I did enjoy it. I definitely want to play with the cheeses as well.  Either way it was a great basic recipe that I will use from here on out! 

 

I definitely LOVE grilling pork loin! 

PB-Oreo-Brownie-Cups?

Yea I really don't know what to call these babies but I can call them Yummy!!!! I wanted to make something for Valentines Day for my girls at work. I was completely set on some kind of cupcake but when I logged onto Facebook there was a picture of this brownie filled with Oreo cookies and Peanut Butter!  There were minimal instructions but I figured heck I can try this! There was no link just a picture that was linked to the Facebook page for Kiser Supply, Inc., so I can at least give them that credit for this very awesome suggestion! The instructions were pretty minimal so I winged it and now I have something to work with and oh the idea's flying through my head for these tasty treats! Definitely gonna try something with some Thin Mints! and I need to figure out a Blondie variation! I will say that it is important to find a good cupcake wrapper, I was told to try a foil one so they do not stick. Mine did have a few issues with the paper sticking but they were worth the fight! I will also pass on to make sure and bake for only 20 minutes! I think every minute after that may bring over baking. But seriously so easy and so damn good! I will also mention how much I love Instagram! I love playing with my phone to create pictures, some day I will pull off some awesome professional like pictures. Until then I am stuck with what I got ;).  I also went simple and did creamy peanut butter and basic brownie mix.. this is definitely gonna change ;)

 PB-Oreo-Brownie-Cups:

1 package Oreo cookies ( I actually went generic ;) )
Favorite creamy Peanut Butter
Favorite Brownie Mix

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Line 1 12 cup muffin tin as well as 6 of another pan with foil cupcake liners.
3. Take 1 Oreo top with PB and another Oreo and more PB.  See Picture.  Place the stack in the middle of each cupcake liner. (I did this all before making the batter).
4. Mix brownie batter according to package directions.  Using a medium scoop top each Oreo stack with a scoop of brownie batter. I tried to make sure they were fully covered but not so full that they would make a mess.
5. Place pans in a 350 degree oven and bake for 20 minutes. NO MORE! over baking can affect the texture and make the cookie bottoms very hard!
6. Cool and enjoy.. SO GOOD! 

So many possibilities.. I can't wait to try more!

Best Cinnamon Rolls!!

     Determined to bake something for Christmas Morning I decided that Cinnamon Rolls would be perfect.  I searched various sites and settled on Breadworld.com because Fleischmann's Yeast has always had good recipes for me! I followed the recipe exactly except for adding Pecan's for my Mommy and making 12 instead of 9 of the most wonderful cinnamon rolls ever!! I also broke the process into two steps making and cutting my rolls and chilling them then rising and baking in the morning.  It did take a little extra time to have the rise in the morning but they still worked out just fine. 
     I am pretty sure I will use these as my standby cinnamon rolls, though I will continue to play with other recipes but these will be my standby! I also searched for an icing recipe.  I didn't want just a glaze I wanted a gooey icing but not too sweet. I had some cream cheese and made a similar icing to a carrot cake. Not to sweet and right on the hot rolls its melted into cinnamon roll bliss!!

Grand Award Sweet Rolls

7 to 8 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup sugar
2 envelopes Fleischmann's® RapidRise Yeast
2 teaspoons salt 
1 cup water
1 cup milk 
2/3 cup butter or margarine 
2 large eggs 
1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted

In large bowl, combine 2 cups flour, sugar, undissolved yeast, and salt.  Heat water, milk, and 2/3 cup butter until very warm (120^o to 130^oF).  Gradually add to flour mixture.  Beat 2 minutes at medium speed of electric mixer, scraping bowl occasionally.  Add eggs and 1 cup flour; beat 2 minutes at high speed, scraping bowl occasionally.  Stir in enough remaining flour to make a soft dough.  Knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes.  Cover; let rest 10 minutes.

Roll dough to 15 x 12-inch rectangle.  Brush with melted butter; sprinkle with Cinnamon Filling and pecans.  Beginning at long end, roll up tightly as for jelly roll.  Pinch seam to seal.  Cut into 12 equal pieces.  Place, cut side up and 1 inch apart, on greased large baking sheet.  Cover; let rise in warm, draft-free place until doubled in size, about 45 minutes to 1 hour.

Bake at 375^oF for 20 to 25 minutes or until done.

**Cinnamon Filling:

Approximately 1 cup granulate sugar

Approximately 3 Tbsp ground cinnamon

Approximately 1 cup chopped pecans 

 
** I admit that I just used approximations on the cinnamon filling.  We are huge cinnamon people and I basically put a good scoop or two of sugar into a bowl and then added cinnamon until I was happy with the appearance of the mixture.  Create your filling to your liking.

Cream Cheese Icing: 

4 oz Cream Cheese, Room Temperature
1/2 c margarine or butter, Room Temperature
1 3/4 c powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Place the cream cheese and the butter/margarine in the bowl of an electric mixer fit with the paddle attachment.  Beat until creamy and well mixed, about 5-10 minutes.  Add 1 cup of powdered sugar and beat until creamy and well mixed another 3 minutes.  Add the last 3/4 c of powdered sugar and continue to whip the icing to creamy consistency.  Add the vanilla and mix til blended.  Spread the icing on cinnamon rolls as soon as they come out of the oven.  The icing will slightly melt onto the rolls..amazing.

These are truly amazing and I will enjoy making them again for my friends and family. They are quite simple just a little time and patience.  If I have learned anything it is that making Cinnamon Rolls are not as scary to make as I thought they would be! A Great Giant Cinnamon Roll!

New Blanket

My little brother, not so little now but still, got married unexpectedly last year.  When we met Her earlier in the year I had given her my first rag quilt to use as a blanket. She asked me about it and inquired what it would take to make one.  Well I had decided that I should make her one for Christmas this year. Her favorite color, according to the brother, was teal.  I will tell you finding some teals was not all that easy to do! But after several weeks of searching and picking up a random one and then matching it I found my five patterns and made this blanket for her.  It was my first blanket made from cottons instead of flannel but it came out beautiful.  I am very proud of it and they showed up last week and I was able to give it to her in person! I so love giving hand made gifts.  I am happy she is part of our family, a great girl that keeps that boy in place! They are both amazing and loved :)

Maple Sticky Buns...

My Mom has taken to pulling recipes out of anything she finds for me.  Many of them come from an insert in our local newspaper, it is called Relish and can be accessed on line at Relish.com.  We find many interesting and yummy recipes from this insert and on line.  I have loved making sweet rolls and when Mom handed me this torn out recipes I was taken in.  A sticky bun that doesn't take yeast but looks so very good.  I had spent the day several weeks ago baking several batches of muffins for work and since I was in the kitchen I figured I should try them out.  This recipe was quite simple and I wouldn't hesitate to make it again or play with the filling. It was really good and we had them finished by breakfast.  They were definitely worth the try!!

Maple Sticky Buns

Ingredients

3/4 cup finely chopped walnuts

3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar

3/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 cup pure maple syrup

12 tablespoons butter, divided

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup milk

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400F. Mix together walnuts, brown sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl.
2. Bring maple syrup and 4 tablespoons butter to boil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Boil 30 seconds, then scrape into a 10-inch cast iron or heavy skillet of pan. Top with one-third of walnut mixture.
3. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in large bowl. Add 7 tablespoons butter and mix until mixture resembled small peas. Add milk; stir gently, just until the mixture comes together.
4. Melt remaining 1 tablespoon butter in a small saucepan.
5. Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead gently 5 or 6 times. Roll into a 9 x 12-inch rectangle. Brush with melted butter.

   6.Cover dough evenly with remaining walnut mixture, patting gently. Roll up  dough to for a 12-inch log,     pinching  seam to seal. Cut into 12 (1-inch) slices and place in pan. Bake 25 minutes. Remove from oven and immediately invert onto a large plate (do this quickly, but carefully—the syrup is very hot). Scrape any syrup from pan and spread over buns. Serve warm or hot.

 Some day I may actually wake up early enough to have something this awesome for breakfast until then I am settled with enjoying it for dessert!

My First Pumpkin Pie..

This Thanksgiving we had to set things up at my Grandparents house, it was easier to travel for us than them and lately it is the best thing to do.  I decided that I would just make a couple simple desserts one of which had to be pumpkin pie for my Grandma.  I had initially wanted to make one I had seen on line that had a hint of orange and a meringue but we decided that part of the enjoyment for my Grandma was the whipped cream.  I decided that I would just make a good old Libby's Pumpkin Pie from the recipe on the can. I tweaked it by adding a little orange zest and made my own freshly whipped cream.  Of all the baking I have done never once did I make a pumpkin pie.  I picked a pastry recipe, just a simple one from my Great Grandma's Joy of Cooking cookbook and decorated it with little pastry leaves to make it festive.  I was very proud when it came out and my only regret was adding the zest of an entire orange. It did overwhelm so for the recipe I will leave out my tweak! It was a good idea and next time I will do only half an orange!

LIBBY'S® Famous Pumpkin Pie:

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 2 large eggs
• 1 can (15 oz.) LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
• 1 can (12 fl. oz.) NESTLÉ® CARNATION® Evaporated Milk
• 1 unbaked 9-inch (4-cup volume) deep-dish pie shell
• Whipped cream (optional)

Directions

MIX sugar, cinnamon, salt, ginger and cloves in small bowl. Beat eggs in large bowl. Stir in pumpkin and sugar-spice mixture. Gradually stir in evaporated milk.

POUR into pie shell.

BAKE in preheated 425° F oven for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350° F; bake for 40 to 50 minutes or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack for 2 hours. Serve immediately or refrigerate. Top with whipped cream before serving. 

 

For my whipped cream, I took a small cartoon and whipped it with powdered sugar to taste and a hint of vanilla.  Nothing beats fresh whipped cream!

Best Peanut Butter Cookies Ever!

So last year my Mom made these peanut butter cookies right of a Heath Toffee Bits package. Oh My Goodness were they awesome! I set out this year when she wanted us to bake one day to find that package in the store so we could make them again and of course to make sure I got the recipe on my blog. There is nothing I would change from this recipe they are so good. The best thing added to a peanut butter cookie was Heath Toffee Bits!!


Heath Bits Peanut Butter Cookies 

1/2 c shortening
3/4 c Peanut Butter
1 1/4 c packed light brown sugar
3 TBSP milk
1 TBSP vanilla extract
1 egg
1 1/2 c all purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1 8-oz package Heath Milk Chocolate Toffee Bits, divided

1. Heat oven to 375
2. Beat shortening , peanut butter, brown sugar, milk and vanilla in a large bowl until well blended.  Add egg, beat just until blended.  Combine flour, baking soda and salt; gradually beat into peanut butter mixture. Stir in 1 cup of toffee bits, reserve remained for topping
3.Drop by heaping teaspoons about 2 inches apart onto un-greased cookie sheet (I always use parchment paper); top each with reserved toffee bits.  Bake 7-8 minutes or until set. Do not over bake. Cool 2 minutes and remove to wire rack.  Cool completely
About 3 dozen cookies

These have moved up to the top of my most awesome cookie list!!

New..Job..

Well, Things have been a bit chaotic lately. This post will be more informative and just a bit of a vent than fun.  I had a job opportunity that I was looking into just over a year ago, in fact I was so excited as it was a bakery job that I had dreamed about for years.  But suddenly it was gone and I had not heard from anyone and my heart was broken.  I had basically stopped much of my baking and often forced myself just to do whatever showed up on this blog. 
In June my fiance and I took a huge risk and I saved everything I could, flew out to Indiana and drove back to California with him for what I had hoped would be the start of our lives together.  He set out looking for work and I just went back to my job.  I had a decent job, part time manager for a retail store which worked well with my full time school attendance for my Bachelor's Degree.  He was here about a month and things crashed.  His car broke down and no one would talk to him about work just nothing.  It was very hard to take everything on with my minimal job.  His car breaking down was the worst. On the day we found out just what was wrong with his car ( the motor.. the absolutely worst thing that could be wrong) I got a call from the bakery offering me a job. I simply cried.  How could I even consider it, I can't afford a transition now and what if it was flakey and so forth.  I agreed to go down and talk.
The job seemed like a good thing, with much possibilities.  If anything it was my chance to see just how much I loved baking.  It is very unstructured and for the most part frustrating and miserable. Since taking it on, Erik had to go back to Indiana after we took out loans to get his car fixed. I find myself more broke and struggling ever in my life and less happier than I had ever thought.
I am not sure how much I regret the job change or if it will ever get better or if things will get worse.  I am going to try to post some of my work there, it is kind of seasonal but they want to make it year around.  I work at Apple Dumplin Restaurant and Bakery in Oak Glenn, hopefully I will get the pies down and maybe feel pride in my abilities instead of dread and misery. 

The first successful thing I have been able to incorporate is this Rustic Apple Tart, I am quite proud at how well it came out and how pretty it is.  I hope I can be happy a little at some point, it will be over a year before I get to see Erik again.  Lets hope things figure themselves out cause I am tired of trying to figure them out.